Last week marked a year since my grandmother went to be with our Lord. For a few months, I had no words to describe the wave of emotions that lingered after her passing. I would like to take this opportunity to share a diary entry that was written on February 20, 2012.
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Griselle, what do you want? This is the question that seems to be on replay these days. It's so easy for me to "feel" what I want, however when it comes to conceptualizing it— my mumbling mind goes blank. More than anything in the world, I love being able to connect with people. When I leave this earth, I want my legacy to be found in those that I loved, helped and inspired. It reminds me of a dream I had not too long ago. I found myself at a dinner table with my grandmother and our extended family; and I mean everyone in our family was there. It somewhat resembled the 'Last Supper,' sans the impending sadness. At some point in my dream my grandmother asked to speak to me alone. She held my hand as we proceeded to take a quiet stroll. Before long, I realized that we were standing in front of the most beautiful lighthouse. I turned to my grandmother to ask her why we were there, but to my surprise she was now waving atop from said lighthouse. She motioned for me to come up, but unable to open the door I yelled, "The door is locked. I can't get in. I don't have the key!" She smiled and pointed to my dress pocket. Lo and behold, the key had been with me all along. As I opened the door a flood of spiraling stairs greeted me. After making my way to the very last stair bringing me closer to her, I realized that she was nowhere to be found. I remember closing my eyes and a faint whisper gave way to my grandmother's sweet voice,
"You are the light, my child.
Never doubt it for a second."
-G.
P.S. Abuelita Luz, I have an endless amount of respect for the integrity and grace you instilled in our family. Thank you for teaching us to always show up for love. People always thought your sensitivity was one of your weakest points. In reality, it was your sensitivity that allowed you to show so much compassion and kindness towards others. I promise to be the light everyday.
You will forever be my Impeccable Woman.
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